I took my pen up, then put it down again. Looked at him, apparently staring intently at that white two-dimensional screen.
“Bored,” I said. I performed my usual ritual of fidgeting: stood up, tucked my shirt out, tucked my shirt in, arranged my hairband a little forward, a little behind, tapped my feet, laid my head down on the table and shot up straight again two minutes later. He glanced over for all of two seconds, refusing to be moved.
“Hello there,” I made another attempt. Planted two fingers on his shoulder. “Now what have we here? The first ever excursion to Uranus! This excited explorer is proud to represent So and So, Private Limited, on humanity’s first steps on this ice giant. Hello humanity! As usual you have been entirely wrong about where we can go and where we can’t. -244 degree celcius is nuffin, NUFFIN. I wave my proud unfrostbitten fingers at you! I raise my still kicking leg in a salute!” I raised a finger till it was horizontal and returned it to its original position. “Who’s da man, you tell me!” A hint of a smile formed on his lips. “Aw stop it,” he told me. “Working here, alright?”
My little man ignored the omniscient voice and continued his proud journey down the length of his arm. “First a slide down this tenacious slope, landing perfectly unbruised on this flat terrain. What is this? Warmth? My thermal sensors are going wild! Calm down, buddy, calm down! Do you hear the frantic beeping sound, humanity? This is the sound of progress! Nothing is sweeter than this sound!” The little man kneeled down. “Oh glorious warmth, I prostrate myself in awe of your holy qualities. I lay my humble lips to your solid ground.” My lips pressed lightly on the inner fold of skin where forearm met upper and took it in, teeth making shallow imprints. “whovethoughturanus’dtastesogood”, the words came out muffled. On a separate universe my hair was being tossed about by the wildest of winds, so vigorous they felt like fingers. Not to be deterred by expected obstacles, the journey to show humanity the true nature of Uranus proceeded on without a hitch, lip by lipprint littering a trace of wetness to the wrist.
“And here, we plant a flag.”
All work was hereby abandoned, in celebration of this joyous occasion.