The gods have answered poor people’s pleas– there is Jubeat on the iPad.

“But it’s been there since forever!” you might say. This, I do not know. What I know, however, is that my dear friends have only recently been loaned iPads as they are doing Prof Ben’s iPad module, have graciously downloaded that delectable app, and have atrociously underused their iPads by not playing that app like a maniac (although, to put a word in for them, they are busy working their knees (knees. yes, knees. asses are so comfortable. knees are not.) off for Prof Ben). Thus, being the concerned friend that I am, I have taken it upon myself to utilise their iPads properly.

I know, I know. All that sacrifice. The time which might have gone to work, or building social relations, or smelling the roses.

You should be honoured, Benedict.

Are you one of those people who think Hearts is a game based on luck?

That you can mindlessly throw out cards?

That you win some, lose some with the AI you have on your Windows computer?

Then you have not played Hearts with Bridge people.

Just ask Victor, who shot the moon thrice in one and a fifth games (the other four-fifth I have no idea since I left).

Also ask LCY who says happily, “Counting is second nature to me!”

“HOW’S THAT POSSIBLE?” you, the skeptical noob, do not believe me. Just imagine. You are happily discarding all your hearts and the queen of spade on some other random suit you have run out of, gleefully thinking of the zero points that you are going to have at the end of the round. Suddenly you realise that you have run out of cards of the suit that the dude is going to switch to, and there is no way you can get control back from him. “OH F–” you have not even managed to finish that when you get slapped with 26 points.

On the bright side, so do two other people. Shooting the moon’s kinda socialist like that. Or maybe it’s still capitalist in the 1% 99% sense. Or 25% 75% in this case.

Alternatively, imagine the great Savanna and you suntanning under the toasty African sun. Suddenly a zombie eats your brain, but it’s ok because what need you a brain when you are under the toasty Africa sun?

Word of the week: biologistically.

Challenge of the semester: slip in as many more-than-four-syllabic, non-existent words as you can into your Literature presentation without getting caught.

Lil’ Less than Gangsta MacBeth


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