The 19th birthday of a disgusting creature

Yesterday marked the nineteenth year of a particularly disgusting being called, appropriately, er3 xin1, or disgusting in chinese.

See what I mean?

That’s my sister, if you still haven’t caught on. That’s why she’s called Er Xin. I’m Zhi Xin, and she’s Er Xin. My parents lamented that they didn’t get to name me in order (after all, you don’t call someone “yi” or one until you have an “er”, or two), but at least they corrected it by the time they got to my sister. Er Xin, get it?

Incidentally, we found out yesterday that it was also the 19th anniversary of when I stopped receiving giant teddy bears from my father on Christmas. There’s a correlation somewhere with that coincidence, but we’ll not delve too much into it. Let’s just say it’s a very sad day.

So a couple of weeks ago, we gifted her with the best gift that anyone can ask for: babies. Without the messy process called pregnancy. In a sense we were Angel Gabriel v2 (improved), since we didn’t make her go through the pregnancy process but we managed to get her kids.

Kids

Rita wasn’t quite taken by them; she called them creepy. Rita has a theory that a big stuffed toy should not have limbs and be as round a blob as possible, like my Duckface, photo attached below. And if for some reason the manufacturer insisted on them, the round blob of their body should take up at least 95% of the proportion. So octopi are fine because most of it will be taken up by its head.

Duckface

This picture depicts a man with a bird as a kid. One of the unfortunate things about having bird-kids is that they can shit on your head, which is exactly what happened here.

It’s ok, kids, your mummy will love you regardless of your appearance.

After the gift of babies, Er Xin has been very dedicated in taking care of them, showing me how to carry and pat them the right way. “Ever since you gave them to me,” she told me, “I’ve been picking them up when I have nothing to do and patting their butts.” “Their butts?” I asked, being enormously inexperienced in the art of nurturing. “Yes, because I pick them up like this,” she demonstrates a tender act of picking the babies up from under their arms, and supporting their weight on their butts as they rest on one of her arms, “and then it’s natural that I pat them on their butts.”

It was yesterday that we gifted her with yet another precious gift: socks.

Kids with socks

Kids with socks

Just look at those expressions of joy, upon realising that they will never get cold feet again!

After the receipt of those socks, Er Xin was so touched that she christened them on the spot: Creepy and Crawlie are now their names, Creepy being the pink one on the left. It has eyes on its head, I challenge you to find something creepier than that.

Creepy

Anyway we also realised that a new mother needs a lot of nutrients as she might neglect her health, nasty attention whores that kids are. So we also gave her an advent calendar with chocolates starting on the 5th. As you can see the one on the 5th has been eaten. We aren’t sure why there are gaps on the 14th and 27th. Presumably time goes a little chaotically for the new mother as well.

Advent Calendar

Once again, we would like to wish the new mum Happy Birthday. Happy birthday, Er Xin!

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